I was going to visit the Greek underworld but Hades keeps turning it upside down. Flipping hell.
That fictionalised TV drama about The Shadows ended with Hank Marvin tying a noose round the singer’s neck. It’s a real Cliff hanger.
My daughter caught me in her bedroom dancing round to one of her dopey boy band records. Busted!
Have you seen that huge weaving machine that sits way out in the North Sea? It looms large on the horizon.
Rest, nest, best, test, west, jest, pest, quest, vest, zest. Lest we forget.
I keep throwing myself into the small patch of water at the entrance to the Humber Bridge. I’m a toll puddle martyr.
My chauffeur keeps turning the car upside down. He’s driving me bats.
Mickey Mouse’s dog won the lottery and is now lording it up over the entire Disney kingdom. He’s a Plutocrat.
That Driving Home for Christmas song is really shit isn’t it? Complete dire Rea.
I got caught shoplifting at Staples again. I’m a paper cliptomaniac.
I walked into the pub and saw my wife having an intimate chat with the drummer from a Rainbow tribute band. Very Cozy.
One of my Twitter followers is always banging on about Tetris. I might block him.
JOKES. PUNS. ETC. 